Why I’m Leaving my Career to be a Stay-At-Home Dad

Now that I’ve made it all official at work, it’s time for my super secret big news: Starting in 2019, I will be a stay-at-home dad.

To say I arrived here as planned, however, is a stretch. The reality is that other factors in life intervened, some in unexpected ways. Many of us dream of working for ourselves, of being more than a cog in some corporate machine. For some, they find places where the machine wasn’t faceless. However, I worked for large banks, health care companies, and other places people tend to have strong, very negative opinions about. When asked about my job, I almost always would say, “I work for <soulless company>, but not the part that keeps kicking puppies while setting orphanages on fire.”

I finally found the job where I felt comfortable with the culture, and didn’t have a reflexive need to make it clear I wasn’t in the kitten-drowning department everyone heard about on the news last month. So of course after two years, it’s time for me to leave.

Getting here

I don’t come to this decision lightly. The notion popped into my head last winter, though it was born of practicality and a desire for flexibility. The boys are eligible to start preschool in the 2019-20 school year, as they’d be three by that point. Because of their daycare’s location, we had concerns about the logistics of a part-time preschool, especially since there was another little one only a month older. It didn’t seem realistic for either of us to ferry the boys from preschool to daycare and still work full-time. So we accepted that we’d just have to figure it out when the time came.

That didn’t mean the idea left my head. I just assumed that if we could make something work, it wouldn’t be until the 2020-21 school year.

Enter cystic fibrosis

Then my health took a bit of a hit in the last few months. After making it through three cold and flu seasons with the germ-warfare labs known as my boys, my body waved the white flag. The August bug wasn’t terrible from a symptom perspective, but it did a number on my lungs. It’s normal for me to cough for a couple weeks after a cold runs it course, and then things are fine. But as September rolled on and a three-week course of oral antibiotics did little to help, I was forced to see my doctor. Turned out my lung function was abysmal (relatively speaking), and the best option was IV antibiotics. Seven weeks later, I finally got the green light to stop to drugs but keep the PICC line (yay…).

What I’ve realized is that I’m not young anymore. Just like my liver and waistline, treating my health as if I were still 24 is a bad idea. My lungs are no different, and half-assing my way through treatments isn’t going to work anymore. I need to be around for my boys, and it’s always been in the back of my mind that I have this CF thing just itching to take me out. It’s not a fast-moving condition, but it’s also difficult to turn back the clock and restore lost lung function. So in order to give myself the best chance of seeing them reach adult milestones, I needed to make this change.

From here

So what does this mean? Mainly, I’m only full-time for another month before it’s the end. I’ve received a lot of support from my employer, and many comments about coming back if things improve. It’s nice to feel wanted.

We need to get a whole lot better about budget. The holiday season is a great time to set a baseline, right? Either way, it means a reassessment about everything.

I want to get into and prep, which is something we haven’t been really good at. Too many meals come from a restaurant or a box. Cooking has always been something I enjoy… when I have the time and energy. As those have been in short supply for the last few years, it’s taken a back seat. I also want to include the boys in it so they start to understand the process. They’ll be in no time!

I will also need to work more on other domestic chores, like laundry, house upkeep, and other things. My wife will continue to work full-time, so it will be my responsibility to keep things in order. This will mean a huge reassessment in how we divide labor, as well as ceding responsibilities that both of us have had since day one. I’m sure neither of us will ever critique the other’s performance of something we used to do…

And finally, I hope this gives me some more fodder for the site. Short of letting the domain expire, I can only improve on my content update schedule. Whether it’s about cooking, transitioning to a SAHD role, dealing with preschoolers, or staying sane, I plan on recording my journey for all to see. I’m not sure if that’s the best idea, but it can’t be much worse than quitting my job, reducing the household income, and tying myself to the daily ups and downs of twin 3 year olds.

Finally

I look forward to my new adventure, even if the circumstances aren’t ideal. I will be able to connect to my kids on a level that isn’t possible when working full-time. And I can start to participate in local activities like those sponsored by local chapters of the City Dads Group and the National At-Home Dads Network.

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