On Monday, Gillette put a new spin on their tagline, “The Best a Man Can Get.”
Thirty years ago this month, Gillette launched their tagline during the Super Bowl. As a thirty-something year old myself, the version sang at the end of commercials is deeply embedded in my brain, to the point that I doubt I could ever get it out. This might be what you would call a brand identity.
The way things were
A lot has changed since 1989. We’ve both grown and changed. I started using their products as a teen, I believe because I received a free Mach 3 in the mail from them as part of a “hook ’em young” strategy. Gillette itself was purchased by the behemoth Proctor & Gamble in the 2000s, and they’ve seen the rise of the Dollar Shave Club and others, as people get try to find ways to avoid the costs of razor cartridge refills.
Of course, this also made them ripe for parody. This MADtv sketch from 2000 takes aim at their ads for the Mach 3, and is something I remember quite fondly. It didn’t prevent Gillette from creating the Fusion razor, with five blades. I don’t think it cuts quite of as deep as the Spishak’s 5th blade, though.
Things that have also changed since 1989, though, is how we view men and what it means to be one. Only two years after the tagline debuted, the Clearance Thomas confirmation hearings occurred, and the world was introduced to Anita Hill and the concept of sexual harassment.
The problems we need to address
Since then, two things have become clear: Men have a history of treating women poorly; and men have even been worse when it comes to other men and boys.
Since 2016, things have been rapidly coming to a head. After the election in November 2016, I asked my wife how she felt about the results. She responded by focusing on her students. How they would see what happened when men behaved badly in the highest office in the country. What her students who already feel marginalized because of race, gender, religion, and orientation would face over the next few years.
At the heart of this is a strain of masculinity that values face and perception above all else. This is toxic masculinity.
There is nothing wrong with being masculine. The positive traits of sacrifice, strength, protection, and resilience are all values we should elevate not just in our boys, but our girls. These traits serve them well in life. But being strong in the moment takes a toll. Sacrifice means that some or all of a person is being used up in pursuit of another goal.
Toxic masculinity causes someone to pretend that such behavior is not only expected, but that it must never be visible what kind of harm it caused. Toxic masculinity is refusing to consider someone else before performing an action against them. Toxic masculinity means never admitting that the strength comes at a cost, even to one’s self.
Some men (and women) do this without trying, because it’s been internalized to a point that questioning it is unthinkable. Worse, their peers may encourage them even more, to the point that an entire group is caught in an unending spiral of one-upmanship. The end only happens with self-destruction, in the form of burnout, estrangement, or even death.
A father’s role
When I first learned I was to be a dad of twins, my first thought, beyond, “Oh, shit,” was how would I raise girls if I needed. I figured that since I was a man, boys would be easy. Just channel their energy into constructive activities, be a good role model, and let them do what comes naturally. Raising girls scared me because of all the hurdles they face.
And to some degree, that is still correct. My boys are both wild and crazy, but they also show compassion. Sure, they are jerks to each other on many occasions, but they also each have stuffed animals and dolls they treat like their own children. They even role-play with each other: The other night, one pretended to be a baby while the other one taught them how to use a shape-sorting toy. It was one of the cutest thing I’ve seen them do, and both were caught up in their roles and having fun.
But I also am quickly realizing that I model a lot of behaviors that would be considered toxic. I don’t open up about my feelings. I don’t let others know how they can help. When I get upset, I channel the energy into something that’s constructive, but it’s usually in an aggressive way, such as cleaning the kitchen or disappearing to the garage.
Where do we go from here?
The ad from Gillette builds on that theme and a related idea: boys (and girls) learn toxic masculinity from the adults around them. Kids learn that a certain amount of abuse is to be expected: boys should behave a certain way; boys who don’t should be forced to conform; and girls should submit to this behavior.
As dads, we have to demonstrate both good behaviors as well as the consequences of the bad ones. Being a jerk, which comes naturally to kids under 4, is something that needs to be constantly policed. Rough-housing is great fun, but only if everyone is enjoying it. I keep trying to think of a way to word this for Twitter as a joke, but essentially we are teaching the concept of consent. And a lack of consent is what propels toxic masculinity forward.
So to be “The Best a Man Can Get,” we need to help our kids learn. We need to step up when someone is being attacked, to be allies, to use the power we’ve amassed over history to parcel it out in a more equitable and fair manner. We don’t do this for payback (a common issue with some “allies”), we don’t do it for personal glory. We do it because it’s right. We owe it to our kids, grandkids, nieces, nephews, and all the others who come after us to leave things in a better state then when we arrived.
That’s how we move the conversation forward. That’s how we be the best a man can get.
Gillette is starting a new campaign at TheBestMenCanBe.org:
“As part of The Best Men Can Be campaign, Gillette is committing to donate $1 million per year for the next three years to non-profit organizations executing programs in the United States designed to inspire, educate and help men of all ages achieve their personal “best” and become role models for the next generation.”
The Modern Father received no compensation or considerations for this article.