It has been, to be blunt, a winter of misery. Starting just before Thanksgiving, the house has been the site of an unrelenting siege. The aggressors?
They look cute, but those smiles conceal a contempt for health and wellness that is unlike anything else in human history, or at least the history that occurred without toddlers.
To this point, our home has endured:
- Ear infection (Aggressor #1)
- Strep (wife)
- Stomach flu (everyone but me)
- Influenza A (everyone)
- Numerous colds and other upper respiratory infections (everyone, multiple times)
And other than the stomach bug and influenza, the kids have hardly missed a beat. My wife and I, however, have been laid low numerous times. I have already been forced to take a half-dozen days off from work to take care of them or myself. And it’s only March 1st, when cold and flu season starts to wane.
Sick Parents = Stressed Home
With all this sickness, my wife and I are wearing down. Whether it’s the lack of sleep because of fussy toddlers, fever, pain, or congestion, the effects are cumulative. Especially with toddlers, parents have to be “on” all the time, which includes getting up before them in the morning to get ready for the day. So we can’t sleep in, and often with one of us being sick, it means a heavier burden on the other in the evening.
As discussed previously, I have cystic fibrosis. Normally, this isn’t an issue in parenting; I just get up a little earlier in the morning to do my treatment. After that, I’m just a normal dad. But when I get sick, two things happen. I need to do more treatments to keep the cold from turning into something worse. And I cough more. Coughing, as everyone can attest to, is an exhausting thing. And when you do enough of it, other symptoms can occur, like headaches, chest pain, cracked ribs, etc.
Since the kids were born, it seems to cause another issue: back pain. For a variety of reasons, my body doesn’t take well to 10 days of coughing. I’m a little, uh, out-of-shape, especially in the area of my core (back, abs, hips), and I’ve been told my back has been forced to overcompensate a bit. With all the extra child-wrangling lately, I’ve overworked my back even more.
So, four times I’ve been sick this last three months, and three times my back has cried uncle and added to the fun. This happened again last week, and now I’m coming down with another cold. So what do I do?
Seek help
First, I immediately sought treatment for my back. Within 24 hours of the pain starting, I was seeing someone about it. Things have been getting better, but my range-of-motion is still restricted. I’ve also kept my wife in the loop on how I feel and what I don’t feel capable of doing. This does mean more is required for her, so I’m trying to compensate in other ways. Of course, it doesn’t help that this week is busy from a professional standpoint for her, leaving me home alone three out of five evenings. Normally this wouldn’t be a problem, but I’ve been turning to TV and easy dinners a little more quickly because of the back and the fact that I’m getting sick yet again.
Next, I need to get serious about my health. I’ve written about it for others, so it’s time to actually find a way to implement it for myself. This back issue is a real drag on my quality of life, and it’s reached a point where my sons tell other people that Papa is broken. It sounds cute, but I don’t want them to grow up thinking this is a constant state and they should have reduced expectations for me. There’s going to be plenty of other reasons for that as it is.
Thankfully, my mental fortitude has stayed relatively intact, besides the exhaustion. But that seems mostly physical rather than anything to do with mental health. I chalk that up to actually following the game plan I implemented with the help of a therapist a few months ago. Mindfulness has been a very useful technique to keep in my toolbox, and lets me recover and re-engage more quickly than I once did. Again, keeping my wife better-informed about my mental health also helps.
Weather the storm
In the end, it’s all about dealing with the struggles in front of you. Sometimes things come at you fast and your best option is to brace for the impact. Build a strong foundation and understand your limits. It will help you make it through to the other side.
