Retrospectives identify what’s going well and what isn’t. It’s a way to help one discover both good and bad patterns, and speak frankly about them.
Some retrospectives are harder than others, for a variety of reasons.
What went well
The Earth continued to orbit the Sun, as previously expected.
And no one died under my watch.
What didn’t go well
I don’t even know where to begin.
Wait, what do you mean I have to put more in the previous section? Fine.
What went well, Part 2
The cat didn’t get sick, either.
What didn’t go went well, Part 3
You have some nerve telling me how to run my site. No, I’m not putting in anything else. You can’t make me.
…
Fine, have it your way. But this is entirely under protest.
I learned that I don’t panic when a child is choking, though the rest of that story will have to wait for the next section.
Slowly but surely, my boys are starting to understand that certain behaviors are not acceptable. How we got there will have to wait for the next section.
I did some baking, but the results will have to wait for the next section.
(See where this is going? Can I move on?)
(Thank you)
What didn’t go well, again
Nearly everything.
The week started off promising, with a lazy Monday as the weekend was another busy one. As we stayed in, watched some Nick Jr. and played some games.
Tuesday went less well. I spent a too much time writing my Gillette article, by which point the boys were restless. However, the weather wasn’t great and it was too close to lunch for any kind of trip. Instead I made lunch for us, and we settled in for some more Nick Jr. T was being very cuddly and downright insistent that I stay close by. He’s normally one for physical contact, but this was a bit much even for him.
Later that evening, we checked his temp because he was a little furnace: 101.7F. He was sick and the plans for Wednesday were out the window. And so were Thursday’s plans, and Friday’s plans. He kept the fever, with no other symptoms, for the rest of the week. But not knowing what it was, I erred on the side of responsible and kept him away from the public.
An entire week stuck in the house (the weather was cold, but the snow had mostly melted which meant no winter fun). By Wednesday afternoon, I had two house monsters, and my temper, patience, and sanity were frayed. Which brings us to the next problem: Behavior management.
Losing our cool
I don’t like to yell, and I subscribe to the idea that screaming at kids doesn’t accomplish much. On the flip side, screaming is something both kids do instantly whenever something goes wrong. It’s either at each other or me.
I can handle the screaming at each other, as long as it’s not constant. But when they turn that on me… I don’t react well. And starting Wednesday, there was screaming at me. Whether it was because we couldn’t go to a playground, they couldn’t have “candy” from the pantry, or their sandwich wasn’t cut right, I got screamed at a lot.
And I started to scream back. Or at least use my “angry voice” and was quick to send them to their room, the corner, or drag them there myself.
E was more the issue, as he often has been. He has an infuriating habit of giggling and laughing when he is being reprimanded or sent to the corner. To him, it’s a game. And he’s also learned that nothing gets him out of the corner faster than saying he has to go potty, or agreeing to whatever request is being asked.
It got steadily worse through the week, and the weekend didn’t bring much relief. Let’s just say that when we left the Minnesota Children’s Museum, I felt a lot of stares.
Nearly died laughing
On Thursday, E had an incident. The banter between two characters on TV was causing deep belly laughs. It was cute and all sorts of fun to watch.
Unfortunately, one of those belly laughs took place just after he started eating a sandwich or chips. Suddenly he started to cough. He could still breath, but barely, and not without coughing immediately. I tried to remember how to do the Heimlich on a child so small.
After about 30 seconds of nearly not breathing and panic on his part, he coughed it clear. He proceeded to cough a lot for the next 15 minutes and needed to cuddle for a while. It also began an association with fizzy water and making him feel better that has happened a couple more times.
This frayed my already torched nerves, and I had no desire to accomplish anything else.
Kitchen flops
My time in the kitchen also fared poorly. I decided I was going to make sandwich bread. Because I was so sure I could get it right, I let our sandwich bread run out and didn’t put it on the shopping list. Instead, I baked something that had the dense crumb of a pound cake, and all the appeal of boiled spinach to my kids.
It wasn’t terrible, but it was better as a dinner bread than sandwich bread. PB, jelly, mayo, etc, wouldn’t absorb into it, and the sliced would just slide past each other.
My other kitchen adventures were not well received by the boys, but I’m used to that by now. And I did not have the energy to cook much at all, anyway.
Action Items
Clearly, there was a lot of bad things this past week, and it was one I would rather forget. However, some main things would be to trust my instincts (the bread dough didn’t look wet enough), brush up on the Heimlich maneuver, and get back to practicing mindfulness.
Things will bounce around, and illness is a temporary issue that can set everyone back. To draw too many lessons from what should be an exceptional week would be foolish. But it did reveal I don’t have as much resilience as I’d hoped, which is something I need to work on.