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Snowed In – The Found Diary

Eric Olson

This electronic diary was found buried in a snowbank outside a home in suburban Minnesota. It depicts one family’s story of the historic April 2018 Blizzard that began on the 13th and wrapped up on the 16th. Unfortunately, the family seems to have gone missing, perhaps driven to warmer places by the winter that won’t end. The father’s parents are equally confused, but shrug and say he was never that good at calling his mother, even on her birthday.

Neighbors refused to go on record, only saying that it was a quiet family who were miserable at keeping the lawn tidy.

The diary was lightly edited and attempts were made to find the tweets that the writer repeatedly talked about.

Graphic photos of snow are found throughout, so snowbirds may want to look away.

Wednesday

Morning

I’d better go check the weather forecast. There was something about a winter storm last night

It’s April. We don’t get snow in April. That garbage is for March, when the Minnesota State High School Hockey Tournament is still going on (check out this year’s flow). April is when I get the garden ready. It’s still a few days out, though. There’s time for the forecast to change.

Evening

What a great night. It’s nearly 50 degrees outside! The snow is melting and the boys are having fun in the yard.

I’m sure the NWS is being just being overly cautious. Let’s see what they have to say now.

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F*ck!

Thursday

Morning

Okay, so just in case this thing pans out, we need to get ready. After work, one of us needs to hit up the grocery store to make sure we have toddler-friendly nibbles.

And beer. Definitely will need beer.

Afternoon

I keep hitting refresh on my browser. Why won’t the snow disappear from the forecast?

Evening

Two things I don’t like about the tweet I just read from The National Weather Service: forecasters throwing around the word historic; and the dark orange is way too close to home.

Guess I’ll start drinking early.

Friday

Morning

What does Twitter have to say about the storm now?

It’s coming. Yay.

I still have to go to work today. I bet it will be a ghost town.

Afternoon

Wait… it wasn’t supposed to start snowing this early. We were supposed to get rain and maybe a thunderstorm this afternoon. Why are there balls of white crap falling from the sky?!

Screw it, I’m out of here at 3. Jenny wants me to hit up a new bakery, The Thirsty Whale, for provisions. We’re going to need all the donuts we can get to make it through this weekend.

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Thanks for waiting until I parked to start sleeting, sky! Or is it tiny hail? Either way, that’s a lot of ice falling from the sky.

And it’s miserable to walk thru.

I’ll just eat a donut and check the Twitter.

So hail mixed with sleet? Just what I needed for the drive home.

Evening

Let’s grab the boys and make one final Target run. The snow/sleet/whatever is already falling, but Papa needs to get out of the house for a bit. Maybe we’ll grab dinner.

I can’t help but notice it keeps getting worse. Why do the snow totals keep going up?!

Saturday

7:30 AM

Looked outside and doesn’t seem to bad. A little snow fell overnight, but it’s only an inch or so. See, they overreacted again.

What’s the updated forecast? Two to four inches?


Oh come on!

8:00 AM

The boys are up. I can hear them chatting over the monitor. But I know as soon as they get up, we’ll need to figure out ways to entertain them with none of our usual tricks. No “Shop and play,” no trips to the playground, not even a chance to wander in the driveway. The wind is already starting to rattle the window screens, even though there’s no snow.

I’ll just stay here in my office and play video games.

9:00 AM

Okay, Jenny is up. That means the boys will soon be released. I guess it’s time to head upstairs and make breakfast. One was asking for “eggmeal,” so that will be interesting.

9:30 AM

According to Jenny, eggmeal means oatmeal. That’s easy enough. We’ll have some fruit and oatmeal for breakfast, and I’ll enjoy my third cup of coffee.

10:15 AM

Already the boys grow restless. One declared that he wanted to “Go play Papa ‘puter,” and it was a rallying cry that was quickly taken up by the second. Time to head to my office.

10:30 AM

A little vintage edutainment action. At least Mickey is having nice weather.

11:00 AM

The hits just keep coming!

11:30 AM

I don’t want to see that Blizzard Warning get any closer..

[Ed. – Also, a helpful explanation of what a Blizzard Warning means:]

Noon

Realized I never actually ate anything for breakfast and the coffee-only diet is taking its toll. Seems like a mac & cheese kind of day, with some special mix-ins.

“I help stir!”

Oh no, I’ve been spotted. Guess I’m making lunch for everyone, which means I’ll need to modify my plans.

12:45 PM

My phone just buzzed, and it was the weather app.

I… I don’t know if I can take it.

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Winter Storm Xanto is here.

1:30 PM

In case anyone wanted to know what a blizzard looks like, here you go. Warning – contains background audio of boys playing with the most annoying of our toys.

2:30 PM

After bouncing off the walls, each other, and us for the last 6 hours, we’ve all had enough and it’s time for them to take a nap. Thankfully, they go down quickly.

2:45 PM to 4:45 PM

Play video games.

5:00 PM

What does a blizzard sound like, anyway?

Oh.

5:15 PM

Time to make dinner. Tonight it’s Seared Salmon & Lemon Labneh, through out Blue Apron subscription.

Very tasty, though the boys were less impressed. They run hot and cold on salmon.

Beginning to wonder if these two were switched at birth or something.

6:00 PM

What do you mean there’s more snow later this week?!

8:00 PM

After bathtime, the boys spent 30 minutes doing things like this:

We’re never getting out of this room alive.

8:30 PM

The boys are in bed.

Good thing tomorrow is Sunday. Our mail carrier isn’t getting to the mailbox:

Back to Twitter to see the damage.

I think we got at least that much here. Maybe closer to a foot.

You have to hand it to meteorologists. They know how to have a good time.

Sunday

8:00 AM

MSP got a foot. We are definitely over 15″ here. See those raised garden beds? They are 24″ tall.

And it’s still snowing.

8:30 AM

Regardless of the forecast for 3 to 5 more inches, clean-up needs to start. Any deeper and the big snowblower is going to have problems.

9:30 AM

Never mind… It was already too deep.

9:45 AM

Okay. Dug out and we can get to the street… Not that is been plowed yet.

Chatted with the neighbor and warned him that my larger snowblower had to take half-width passes.

Time to head inside and see about getting the kids dressed to hit up Target.
…

What’s that noise?

Oh.

I guess it should be easier to drive, at least.

10:00 AM

Getting the kids dressed requires a combination of screen time and sleight-of-hand. And if I hear the Thomas & Friends Roll Call one more time, I may have to get a restraining order against my kids.

11:00 AM

Success! We are out the door. Now, to get them into the car…

Where’d they go?

I swear they kids have unlocked the secret of teleportation. He was standing next to me just seconds earlier.

Also, there’s already a fresh inch on the ground. [Ed. – Remember that later.]

11:30 AM

Grabbed some McD’s because the kids wanted fries, and it’s off to Target. Have to say, the roads aren’t too bad, as long as you don’t try to turn at intersections or into a business. If you do that, all bets are off. It’s like everyone decided, “F it. We’ll let it melt.” That works when it’s less than 6″… not so much when it’s 18″.

12:15 PM

After driving over plow leftovers to get into Target, we’re here. On the plus side, it’s deserted.

Let slip the dogs of war!

I mean… let’s let the kids blow off some steam in the toy aisles.

12:45 PM

Hmmm… I didn’t know Target was starting to sell Twitch and podcasting stuff. This would sure look nice in my office.

Too bad Rachel’s setup for the Tangential Parenting podcast wouldn’t play nicely with this. We really need to get a second microphone.

Time to head home.

1:30 PM to 4:15 PM

[Ed. – The diary turns into gibberish at this point. The phrase, “No naps and all TV make Papa something something,” is repeated for pages. There is, however, a single picture followed by a string of expletives that makes the writer’s intent clear]

5:00 PM

Okay, feeling better after accepting a beer from Jenny.

Time for another dinner, this time Calabrian Chile Shrimp & Chickpea Stew, also from Blue Apron. The service works, and the recipe cards are actual recipes with quantities and everything, so you can re-make favorites.

Once again, the boys aren’t as thrilled.

6:30 PM

Time to get the boys off to bed, since tomorrow is a work day. I have no idea how this is going to go.

7:30 PM

Minimal casualties, few tears, and it sounds like they might actually drift off. It was a long weekend… we’re all tired. I’m supposed to do taxes tonight, but I really need some me time.

9:00 PM

Jenny just told me that both her district and the district our daycare is in will be closed due to snow tomorrow. Guess that means she’ll be home with the boys. I probably should stay home too… but no.

Monday

7:30 AM

Everyone is still asleep. Time to head to work.
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I am not shoveling again. Guess I’m gunning it out of the garage. Look out, neighbors!

4:30 PM

No word from Jenny. While I would like to run a few errands, I probably should just head straight home. Odd that she hasn’t texted since this morning.

5:00 PM

Quiet house. Are the boys still napping?

I wonder if Jenny is I’m her office . . .

[Ed. – The diary trails off here, except for some curious crayon scribbles.]

Thanks for reading my absurd retro diary. If you’re curious what the snowfall totals were, here was the last official map put out by the NWS:

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